Yesterday I found a photo of my friend Lauren and me. We’re in London, standing in Regent’s Park after an open-air performance of Shakespeare. The weather that night was a cold, dark drizzle, which was fairly typical that summer. Lauren, always prepared for a London downpour, was wearing a cute North Face rain jacket and a smile on her face. I’m smiling too but, unlike Lauren, I look like I’ve been standing in a car wash. I didn’t take an umbrella or a jacket. (Apparently “open air” means, uh, no roof. Who knew?)
It rained the entire time. Trying to concentrate on the play, I sat on a bench with my arms folded tightly around my chest, water dripping off my eyelashes, my nose and my chin. Despite all that rain, and despite hearing none of the dialogue, I was completely caught up in the performance.
The park lights sparkled in the water dripping off the actors’ faces and hands. More water splashed up from the puddles on the stage when they moved. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable, and not just because I looked like I’d gone swimming in my clothes. I’d read the story before, but it didn’t feel as familiar to me on a page as it did in real time.
The story was about a girl, shipwrecked and abandoned, struggling against her false identity and falling in love with a certain guy—a guy who didn’t love her in the same way she loved him. He appreciated her (as a friend and a listening ear), but he didn’t see her as anything more than that. In fact, he didn’t see the real her at all. And he didn’t think she was worth truly loving.
The girl tried to hold herself together, tried to keep up the false identity and witty banter as long as she could, but rain streamed off her fingertips like she was melting. I felt a fresh scar on my heart rip wide open. I knew all about storms like that. Rejection is an awful feeling, a heavy numbing kind of pain. I know what it’s like to wear a mask of confidence while you feel as though you’re shattering on the inside. I think every girl knows that feeling.
Sinking
Rejection stinks. It feels like a giant anchor pulling at the corners of my heart, drowning me in this big ocean of insecurity, self-doubt and heartbreak. Most women I know have experienced plenty of rejection, whether from a guy they were crazy about, a job that was given to someone else or a dream that never came through. Some rejection scars heal pretty fast (like a rejection letter from a college you weren’t really interested in from the start), and some scars last a lifetime (like when one parent doesn’t want to see you anymore). Rejection from the opposite sex happens, too, and hurts for weeks . . . and sometimes years. It hurts to throw your heart out there and have it come flying back in your face.
It’s in a storm of rejection we start to believe these silly lies swirling in our hearts: That we’re unwanted, unlovable, that there’s something wrong with us. We start to believe we have to pretend to be some girl we aren’t or change something so we’ll be loveable.
There’s a promise I hang onto when I’m deadlocked in a season of rejection. Take a look at this verse in Jeremiah 31:3:
I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
Even when rejection rains, God draws us to himself, locks His strong arms around us and carries us through to something better.
The Girl God Sees
Here’s a newsflash: You are not who they say you are. I don’t know who the “they” is in your life; I don’t know who decided you weren’t worth choosing or loving. But they were wrong. A holy God sent His Son to Earth to win your heart, to die in your place, so you would never be alone.
Every dream that crashes in front of you, every guy who walks away, every relationship that ends and every opportunity that dies opens you up to live His dream for you. His dream isn’t a shabby alternative to the life you’ve imagined. His plan is the best plan. His ways far exceed our expectations (Isaiah 55:8). In fact, sometimes what seems like rejection from our perspective is God’s way of protecting us from a situation that was never quite as dazzling as it seemed in the first place.
God sees the girl you really are, and that girl is the girl He loves. I never have to pretend I’m someone else. I don’t have to disguise my feelings. He knows when I’m really falling apart inside. And He has a way of putting the pieces back together.
Blessings in Disguise
I smiled when I saw the short rain-soaked girl in that photo. I was experiencing some intense rejection when that photo was taken, but I didn’t let it stop me from embracing a big adventure across the pond. I held on tightly to God that summer, and He showed me some amazing things about the world, the people in it and even about himself. He reminded me that He knows the fine details of my heart.
One of my favorite song lyrics, penned by Cindy Morgan, goes like this: “There are questions without answers and flames that never die, and heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise.”
I love those words. Sometimes our heartache is a blessing in disguise. Don’t let rejection hold you back from living a full life. Let Him hold you through it. Believe He has something better in mind for you. This summer, engage a lonely world with His all-consuming love. And don’t forget your umbrella.
