So you sit up straight. You grip the wheel with both hands. When you come to a stop, you pause for emphasis. As you study the intersection, you look left . . . then right . . . then left again, not merely flicking a glance from side to side but turning your whole head to scan for traffic. Out of the corner of your eye you spot the examiner scoring your moves. You cringe. At the end of the test—assuming you haven’t ended early for committing illegalities or colliding with something—you listen humbly as the examiner recounts your every mistake and reveals your score.

Under the Microscope
Imagine living your whole life under that kind of careful inspection! You can be sure that your parents, their insurance company, the local police and everyone who lives on your block rejoice that your skills are systematically scrutinized before you obtain a license to steer a ton or two of steel around your neighborhood . . . but not everything in life is as deadly serious as good driving. Most of what happens isn’t nearly that big of a deal. And none of us wants to live in a world where people with clipboards and pens critique our every move. We wouldn’t be thrilled if at the end of each day we were presented with a minute-by-minute report on our every thought, word and action—especially a report that found some kind of fault with everything we did.

As much as we dislike that thought, we can be quick to aim intense scrutiny at others. Even though we want others to go easy on us, we might feel eager to judge others harshly. That’s especially true when we directly clash with others. Even though we expect others to excuse our faults, we often pounce on others when they wrong us.

Peacemaking is a radical choice to pursue God’s way of dealing with every clash you face. But you might assume that your commitment to act as a peacemaker means you should immediately wade into a situation to work it out. If a teacher reprimands you unfairly, you should instantaneously confront her on the mix-up. When a friend says something hurtful, you should straighten out your insensitive friend. Or if a teammate misses a play, you should take it upon yourself to explain the advantages of bump-set-spike over going for a kill from the back row.

Actually, those choices aren’t always the best path to peacemaking. There’s a first step to consider. Instead of jumping in to address the wrongdoing, you can choose to let it go.

Looking Past Offenses
Those men and women who evaluate driving skills might seem to strive to catch every picky fault. Yet they don’t. As particular as they first appear, they don’t knock off points just because your death grip on the wheel makes your knuckles turn white. They don’t scold you for veering from the center of a lane by an inch or two. And they won’t fail you for making a clumsy right turn. Driver’s license examiners actually look for relatively major deficiencies in how you handle a vehicle. As they guide you through real streets or an artificial course, they get a sense of whether you’ll drive safely. In the process they do an amazing thing. They overlook some of your little faults.

In many situations of life, the best way to resolve a conflict is simply to overlook the wrongs others do to you.

We don’t often observe people dropping the matter . . . covering over . . . being patient . . . putting up with . . . forgiving. Almost everywhere we look—school, friends, teams, home, even church—the ability to overlook a fault is rare. Yet it’s how God treats us. He lavishes us with astonishing goodness and forgiveness. Check what Psalm 103:8–10 says about his attitude toward us: “The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” God doesn’t deal harshly with us when we sin. And God’s deep love for us shows us a fresh way to approach others.

Overlooking Isn’t a Cop Out
Overlooking is an active choice. It isn’t a fake peace where you chicken out of confrontation, staying silent for the moment but filing away the offense to use against someone later. That’s actually a form of denial, and you can be sure it leads to a bitterness that eventually explodes in anger. When you overlook another person’s faults, you deliberately decide not to brood over an offense. You stop replaying the situation in your mind. You quit talking about it. You choose to let it go.

Overlooking is a strong choice. It isn’t a broken peace where you go through life battle-ready, on high alert, locked and loaded like a rifle prepared for firing at anyone who crosses you. Overlooking is powered by all the strength of the Gospel. Some people argue against overlooking by saying, “It isn’t right to let people off easy.” I (Ken) have a quick answer to that. Whenever I hear a Christian speak those words, I ask, “Where would you spend eternity if God dealt us justice with no mercy?” The answer is obvious: We would all be condemned to hell. Fortunately, God doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve. To those who have trusted in Christ, He’s compassionate and merciful—and He expects us to treat one another the same way. As Jesus taught, “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36).

Overlooking is a practical choice. It isn’t an exasperating peace where you constantly correct others in the name of peace. That kind of “peace” would cause our world to screech to a halt. Each of us has abundant shortcomings, and calling each other to account for every fault could occupy us from now until eternity. By overlooking smaller offenses, we create an atmosphere of grace where we can let go of hurt and move on with life.

When You Should—and Shouldn’t—Let It Go
Overlooking is a peacemaker’s first option in responding to conflict. In fact, it’s the choice to consider before you even begin to think of taking other steps to correct a situation. But overlooking isn’t the only option. Sometimes it isn’t the right option. Overlooking clearly isn’t the way to go when a wrong
• creates a wall between you and the other person.
• makes you feel different toward someone for an extended time.
• causes serious hurt to the offender.
• inflicts significant harm on the victim.
• does obvious damage to God’s reputation.