I felt weird about it and called my mom to come get me. I found out later that after I left, they played the real version of the game, where you do more than simply hug.

Now at school I’m a social outcast. People are calling me a loser for doing the right thing. Did I do the right thing?

Loser

Dear Loser:
I hate addressing your letter with “Loser,” because you’re definitely not a loser! The Holy Spirit is great at making us feel uncomfortable in situations that aren’t pleasing to Christ. (In fact, that’s part of His job. He convicts us of things not right in our life, and He gives us discernment to know the difference between right and wrong.)

Anytime you feel “checked” or uncomfortable in a situation, you can be sure the Holy Spirit is making you feel that way. And that’s wonderful! Be grateful for that.

Yes, you did the right thing: You called a parent, and you walked away from a questionable environment. But knowing you did the right thing doesn’t take away the sting of being ridiculed, does it?

You’re in good company! The Bible is packed full of people who did the right thing and got slammed for it. Let’s pray that God will help you make some new friends who share your standards.

Dear Susie:
How do you decide which letters to publish?

Inquisitive

Dear Inquisitive:
Good question! I look for a variety. You wouldn’t think that would be very hard, because I get more than 2,000 letters and e-mails each month. But you’d be surprised how many are about the same topic. Most of our mail arrives in the following categories: Media-related questions, spiritual inquires and questions about the opposite sex. Yours is totally different, so we’re publishing it! I also look for letters that reflect situations in which teens can easily relate.

Dear Susie:
I often find myself wishing that my parents would get a divorce. It just seems they’d be happier apart. Is it wrong for me to wish for this?

Struggling

Dear Struggling:
I’m guessing you’re probably wishing this because your folks argue quite a bit. I can only imagine how frustrated and even frightened this makes you feel. But God hates divorce. His ideal for marriage is that one woman and one man be joined together for life.

Unfortunately, we live in a sinful world, and we don’t always see His ideal played out in the family unit. And there are times (in the cases of abuse) where God certainly wouldn’t want someone to live in a dangerous or life-threatening situation.

Instead of wishing for divorce, I encourage you to pray for your parents. I also challenge you to pray with them. Ask if the three of you can meet together on a regular basis at a specific time and pray for your family. It may be uncomfortable at first but keep at it. God isn’t ready yet to give up your folks so hang in there with them.

Dear Susie:
Is it OK to have one group of five or six friends and not have anyone else in that group? My friends are amazing! We love to spend quality time together and have slumber parties. I don’t like it, though, when others try to squirm their way into our group. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Wondering

Dear Wondering:
It’s natural to have a group of friends with whom you’re bonded and share mutual interests and values. We all need friends like this. Jesus, too, knew the value of friendships and cherished His time spent with the 12 disciples as He walked the earth.

Did you know out of those 12, He was closer to three (Peter, James and John), and of those three, He was even closest to one, (John)? But Jesus never made anyone feel excluded.

I suggest a balance. Plan special times with your close friends but also plan times when the five or six of you intentionally reach out to include others who desperately want to be noticed, accepted and loved by you.

We’re told in Matthew 17:1 that Jesus spent time with Peter, James and John on what’s known as the Mount of Transfiguration. The other disciples weren’t included in this. Because we’re not told of the others being jealous, we can assume Jesus was very careful not to make them feel excluded.

Christ welcomed everyone to Him, as we must do, but He took time away from the crowds to be with His closest friends. With His help, you can find the balance you need.

Dear Susie:
I have a major jealousy problem. I always have to be the best at everything, and if someone is prettier, smarter or funnier than I, I have to do something to be better than she. I look at other people’s talents, and I want them for myself. I even get jealous of my best friend!
I need to realize how great my life is! I want to get rid of this jealousy that controls me. Got any advice of how to vanquish the big ugly green monster?

Green-eyed

Dear Green-eyed:
It’s not wrong to admire someone else’s talent and to work toward developing it in your own life, but I agree that your desires have gone overboard. Maybe it’s time to go deep. Do you realize that underneath the jealousy is another problem? It’s insecurity.
The next step is to figure out why you’re so insecure. It seems as though you’re desperate to be accepted; you’re afraid of failing, and you fear rejection. And there’s probably a good reason for all that, but unfortunately I don’t know what it is.
If we could spend some face-to-face time, I could disciple you through God’s Word and help you focus on the incredibly amazing way He sees you: He calls you by your name (Isaiah 45:3); you were made in His image (Genesis 1:27); He knows everything about you (Psalm 139), and He even knows the number of hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30).
You already know that jealousy is a sin of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21). Ask God to help you replace jealousy with goodness and gentleness—fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

Dear Susie:
My grandmother died a year ago. I still have grief that comes in waves. How can I deal with it? I try talking to my parents and my friends about it, but it doesn’t help. I’m getting kind of depressed. I thought I was stronger than this!
I read my Bible every day, and I tried praying to God to take away my grief. I don’t know how much more I can take. Please help me!

Saddened

Dear Saddened:
I wish I could treat you to a juicy hamburger and give you a big ol’ bear hug. (Not that a hamburger will heal the hurt, but sometimes we just need to sit across the table from someone who will listen and touch us and care.) I hear you. And I care deeply.
I lost my mom four years ago, and I still miss her so much there are days I just can’t stand it. I’m glad you’re reading the Bible and talking with God, your parents and friends. It’s wise to share your feelings with those around you and to seek comfort from God.
But you know what? What you and I are feeling is totally normal. It’s natural to feel depressed and lonely and desperate; these are part of the grieving process. God won’t take away your grief, but He’ll provide comfort and strength in the midst of your grieving.
I still grieve. I always will. But God is so very faithful! Even in my tears and heartache, He provides the comfort I need. He’ll do the same for you. I love you, my friend. And I’m so sorry for your loss.

Dear Susie:
Do you think toilet papering someone’s house is a sin?
I know it sounds like a weird question, but what do you think about it?

Curious

Dear Curious:
This may surprise you, but it’s actually against the law. Toilet-papering someone’s house is considered vandalism, and teens have been arrested for engaging in this activity. But let’s go a little deeper. When you t.p. someone’s house, you’re actually robbing him.
Huh?!? Think about it: You’re robbing him of his time. He’s forced to clean up the mess you made—which sometimes takes hours—and has to completely rearrange his schedule to do so.