I know a lot of the things I’ve done in the past year haven’t been pleasing to God. But even though I’ve asked God for forgiveness, I still feel distant and as if I haven’t really been forgiven. Is God hearing my prayers?

Disconnected

Dear Disconnected:
There are a few different issues on the table here: dating, disobedience to your parents and distance from God. I won’t be able to do your letter justice in this small space, so meet me on our Web site (briomag.com), and I’ll continue talking to you there, OK?

First, I’d like to understand how you and your parents define dating. Is it going on singular dates alone with one guy? Is it going steady with one guy? Is it doing things with a group of guys and girls? There are so many definitions. It’s important that you come to agreement on your terms.

Those who are advocates of courtship would encourage you not to go out with a guy until you’re ready to marry. Those who believe it’s possible to establish and maintain godly dating relationships would encourage you to make sure God is the center of all your relationships and to do things in groups.

So you and your folks really need to come to agreement on what you’re actually talking about. But at any rate, it’s wrong to go behind your folks’ back. That’s disobedience to them and to God. You already know that. And you’ve done the right thing—you’ve asked Christ to forgive you.

Guess what! He has! Check this out: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:23-24). If you’ve repented, God has forgiven! It’s a fact. You can count on Him. Now ask Him to help you forgive yourself.

You say you’re still feeling distant from God even though you’ve asked for His forgiveness. Let me ask you this: What, specifically, are you doing to get close to Him? James 4:8 says, “Come near to God and he will come near to you.”

So if you really want to be close to God, think of things you can do that will help accomplish this: Reading your Bible, getting involved in church, finding a ministry, establishing accountability, joining a Bible study group, prayer, etc.

I also encourage you to come clean with your parents. Confess to them that you’ve disobeyed them. Ask if the three of you can read some Christian books on dating and courtship and discuss this subject from both sides. For courtship: I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. For dating: I Gave Dating a Chance by Jeramy Clark.

Dear Susie:
My mom has married and divorced three times. She’s recently started dating the last man she divorced. I don’t think she knows what love is, and I’ve slowly started to hate this guy. He’s done some bad things, and now I can’t see through that. How can I love him after all the bad things he’s done, and how can I tell my mom what I feel without hurting her feelings?

Alone

Dear Alone:
It sounds as though you need to have a conversation with your mom that may hurt her feelings. That’s OK. Your intent isn’t to hurt her; your desire is to communicate honestly. There are some things that shouldn’t be overlooked. Has this guy been sexually abusive? Even the law doesn’t overlook that! If he’s convicted of this crime, they’ll register him as a sexual offender so everyone living near him will know about it. That’s not holding a grudge; that’s simply being cautious.

You didn’t clarify the “bad things” he’s done. But if you’re being physically or sexually abused, it’s not wise for you to live in the same house with him. Talk honestly with your mom. Share your concerns and your fears with her. You may need to bring in another adult to help intervene for you. An extreme case would be that you’d move out and into foster care or with a relative who can provide a safe environment for you.

As for hating him . . . tell God that you need a miracle. Tell Him you hate the bad things this guy has done, but you know you need to love him as a person and you need His help to do so. Loving someone, however, doesn’t mean agreeing with him or dismissing feelings of discomfort.