Wondering

Dear Wondering:
The fact that you’re asking this question reveals a genuine sensitivity. I admire that. Quite often, the line between sharing your feelings with someone and gossip can be very thin—especially when sharing with another friend. I encourage you to share with a family member, but if you feel you need to share with a friend, be careful not to put the other person down.

Sharing only the facts and asking for input isn’t gossip. But if you’re looking for someone to build you up and make you feel good about what you said, it could be considered gossip.

Dear Susie:
What do you think about going to parties? If I go just to be around my friends—and none of us drink, smoke or get physically involved with anyone—is it still wrong? My mom and I have been talking about it lately, and she wants to know what another Christian woman thinks.

Seeking

Dear Seeking:
Why do you even want to be in an environment that has smoking, drinking and physical involvement? Whether you’ll participate in that stuff really isn’t the issue. The fact still remains that you’ll be where you shouldn’t. Yeah, but Jesus hung out with sinners! I can imagine you’re thinking.

Yes, and He presented the Gospel everywhere He went. Unless you’re planning on presenting the Gospel at this party, stay away.

Dear Susie:
I’ve never excelled at anything. My looks, grades and skills are just average. It’s probably prideful to want to be better than others at different things, yet I feel completely useless. I have many younger siblings, and they’re all very talented. I also feel like a social outcast, unable to make friends with anyone my age and feeling obnoxious and unwanted in older group settings. This state of being has transformed me into a hardened and unsocial person.

Useless

Dear Useless:
Oftentimes it takes a while to discover our gifts. I guarantee there’s something you can do well (nice handwriting, being nurturing to animals, good with kids, having a beautiful smile). Be willing to explore several different areas. Have you tried drums, writing, cross-country, singing, hospitality, baking, designing?

Your last statement bothers me. If you are a hardened and unsocial person, you’ll always feel left out. Obviously no one wants to hang around someone who’s unsocial. Start small: Invite two people to your house for popcorn and a movie. Then reach out to others. The more you put yourself into people situations, the more comfortable you’ll feel.

Dear Susie:
I really like this guy at my church youth group. He’s nice, and he makes me laugh. I’ve had a crush on him for three years, and I believe God thinks it would be good for us to be together. But I don’t know if he likes me. What’s an easy way I could ask him?

I want to talk to him, but I can’t think of a good conversation-starter. I don’t want to sound stupid. I say hi when I can, but I want to say something more.

Troubled

Dear Troubled:
You can’t assume just because a guy is nice and funny and goes to church that it’s God’s will for you to get together. If it is God’s will, then trust God to work it out. It’s not your responsibility to find out if he likes you. Simply concentrate on being a good friend to him. Start conversations with a question that requires more than a yes/no answer. Because he goes to your church, you could ask him about something the youth leader spoke about, or you could talk about upcoming youth activities. But leave everything else to God. He created males to be the initiator in relationships.