Confused

Dear Confused:
Yes, it’s possible. But there are different kinds of love.

There’s the love you have for a sibling, but that’s not a romantic love. You may love pizza, but again, that’s not romantic. I’ll ask you a few questions that can help you determine more about what you’re feeling, OK?

• Could you be in love with the idea of being in love?
• Are you in love with how fun it is to have a best guy friend with whom you feel close and connected?
• Do you perhaps admire specific qualities about this guy that you’re mistakenly interpreting as romantic love?

You’ve probably heard the term “puppy love.” It’s having an infatuation with someone and deeply caring about another person. But it’s not the love that you’d need to last a lifetime; it’s not the marrying kind of love. That doesn’t mean it’s not real; it’s just not the love you want for a husband/wife relationship. When you’re old enough to be married, you won’t be the same person you are at 14; neither will your guy friend.

And if it is romantic love? That can be dangerous territory . . . because what can you do with romantic love at 14? If you truly are in love—with the kind of love that will last a lifetime—talk with your folks about it. Why? Because you’ll need advice on handling this strong of a love at such a young age.

Dear Susie:
I’m not very popular at school, and a lot of people don’t understand me. I try to be a good friend to everyone, but most people still don’t like me. Can you help?

Miss Understood

Dear Miss Understood:
You’re on the right track in trying to be friendly to everyone. I’m glad to know you’re not excluding people. But I’m wondering what specifically you’re doing to be friendly.

Think about the kind of friend you’d like to have . . . then try to be that kind of friend to others. Here are some key elements that are important in making friends.

• Learn how to be a good conversationalist. Ask questions. Get the other person talking.
• Be a good listener. No one enjoys being around someone who talks about herself all the time.
• Affirm those around you. Think of something you can compliment each person on. “That color looks great on you!” “Hey, I heard you aced the test. Way to go!” “Hi. Good to see you.”
Of course, there are more elements involved in making friends than these three. Check out our Web site this month for “Making Friends.” I think you’ll enjoy it!

Dear Susie:
I try at school, but I have to try extremely hard to be a straight-A student, and sometimes even when I try really hard, I still can’t get all A’s. This year I’m taking hard classes. I usually get B’s and C’s, and sometimes D’s on my tests, but because of my homework average, it sometimes gets brought up to an A or B on my report card.

My parents don’t seem to understand that I can’t be a straight-A student all the time. If I come home with a grade that they think is less-than-perfect, they get on to me and threaten to take away privileges—even if I’ve tried my hardest.

I study for tests and try my best, but they overlook the good A’s I get and focus on the not-so-good grades. I heard that a C is average, so I don’t understand why they get mad that I’m an average student and not a genius. How can I get them to accept me as I am?

Dumb

Dear Dumb:
I hate the way you signed your letter. You’re not dumb, and I don’t want you even thinking of yourself that way. The fact that you are making some A’s and B’s proves that you’re not dumb!

I also love the fact that you’re trying hard, and you’re studying for tests. And I’m glad your homework average can bring up your test average for your report card.

I’m guessing your folks are pushing you to do more because they don’t want you to settle for average if you can do better. I wish you’d talk with your school counselor and ask him or her to bring your folks in for a conference. It would be great if all of you could discuss the stress you’re experiencing because of grades. Also, during this meeting, the counselor can evaluate if you’re taking classes that are too hard for you.

Every student needs a fun class to lighten the load. Do you enjoy band, art, creative writing or something else that would lighten your schedule and allow you to make an easy A? If so, discuss that with your counselor and your folks.